My jet lagged eyes struggled to open, it was as if they were stuck together with a viscous glue. I sleepily turned and looked out of the oval shaped window and saw a tall, triangular snow-capped mountain. ‘Mount Fuji’, I thought. This meant that I was finally in Japan.
My heart started to beat fast. This is it. I waited for the crowds to dissipate then slowly walked down the aisle. My feet touched the jet bridge and to my right the pilot was bowing to each and every passenger.

This Christmas I was lucky enough to spend three whole weeks at home. I spent the whole time catching up with friends and family and eating all of my favorite foods (mmmm cheese!). When I first arrived, I expected that I would be bored, but I grew to love spending my time with people who care about me and who can speak not only English, but Northern English. I met a new family member on this visit too, my niece Olivia and I was lucky enough to become a Godmother for the first time!

With my beautiful Goddaughter Olivia
With my beautiful Goddaughter Olivia

 

As I packed my suitcase I just didn`t feel the anticipation that I felt before. I actually felt a bit sad. I was enjoying my time in England and I didn`t want it to come to a close. as soon as I waved goodbye to my Dad at the airport parking and saw a tear in his eye I wondered if I was making the right decision.

 

Was I meant to travel the world when all of the people who mean anything to me live in England? I consoled myself with my traditional pint of Stella at the airport and watched as planes came and went. Suddenly I felt the same feeling inside me that I felt when I set off for Japan in March. I felt butterflies in my chest and an urge to visit every country in the world.

 

I realised that life back home is great but it`s not for me, not yet. Although I will miss everyone there`s a burning desire inside me to travel, and I know that I will only be happy as long as I keep on going. Keep on exploring and living life my way.

 

I’m not saying that life will be easy. Quite the contrary. In the same way that my heart burns for me to travel, I feel a deep void inside me when I’m away from my family. It will pain me not to see Olivia grow up but it’s kind of cool to be known as the brave, travelling Auntie.

 

As I stepped off the plane I made a promise to myself to make 2016 my best year yet.

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25 thoughts on “Having second thoughts about my Travelling lifestyle

  1. Mate, I literally have felt exactly the same way. When I first moved to Thailand I had been living in the UAE and it was great, but I had a funny feeling about Thailand and in the end had a big cry. It was so tougher for a few months and I toyed with going home so much but as my boyfriend is with me, I didn’t. Luckily, eventually we made some awesome friends and eventually that desire to go home faded away and now it’s got to a time where I’m moving home in 2 weeks for family reasons (just for a few weeks) and I’m terrified! Don’t you feel like there’s this weird split down your middle where half of you is a proper English girl at heart and the other is this wild free bird that wants to run away from adulthood? Just me?!

    1. I find living in one place a lot tougher than travelling. I loved the freedom of being able to get up and go whenever I felt like it, now I have to invest in a mainly stationary life.
      I agree that there`s a weird split down my middle! I love travel and I love England and my family. Unfortunately it`s very hard to have both!
      How was living in the UAE? I want to live there at some point in my life.

  2. It is natural to feel compelled to be with them, but there is a reason you decided that travel was your dream. Keep focused on your goals, but don’t be afraid to re evaluate your focus.

    1. Very true Sarah, thank`s for the advice on re-evaluating my focus. I`m currently trying to do just that. I have a feeling that this year will be my best yet!

  3. Love this, I had the same feeling last Christmas when I left home to return to my life in Sicily. Although I loved my time there and I’m with you on the burning desire to keep exploring (well put!) I also shed a tear or two after saying goodbye to my family at the airport, knowing I wasn’t going to see them casually in the kitchen again for a long time. It never gets easier, but as long as you realize this is what you’re meant to do, and what you are passionate about – the positives definitely over way the negatives! Thanks for sharing 🙂

    1. Yes Elaina, yes! The positives do definitely outweigh the negatives. When homesickness hits, It hits hard though! i keep saying to myself,`my friends and family are only a plane ride away!`.

  4. I’m inspired by this post…. Making traveling my lifestyle can be intimating…. But it definitely can be pursued….

  5. I just came back home and it just feels so comfortable, I wonder how hard it will be to willingly put myself out there for long term travel again. It was so hard the first time I think I am subconsciously associating that horrible emotional with leaving. Leaving doesn’t always have to be bad, and it does take some getting used to. Thanks for the reminder.

    1. I think you need to want the adventure of what awaits more than the security of home to truly enjoy travel. The old cliche is true though, ‘there’s no place like home!’.

  6. We perpetual travelers are constantly trying to find the balance between movement and comfort. Great piece and I hope you create your peace in Japan!

  7. I’ve never moved to another country, but I imagine the worst part is leaving family behind. It’s hard for me to do for short trips.

    1. It was especially hard leaving my baby Niece. I want to be there when she says her first word, starts walking ect but unfortunately I won’t. Hopefully I’ll be know as a badass travelling Auntie 🙂

  8. Every time I go home I feel like this when it comes to leaving; ‘why am I leaving my favourite people in the world’ ‘why am I putting myself through the often unknown’ ‘why am I forcing myself to miss out on events’ And then I land wherever I am going and I remember why. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

    1. Yeah travel can be a peculiar thing. It brings us so much joy but we can feel so much pain when we realise what we have left behind. The great thing about living in the digital age is that skype, facebook ect make it so easy to keep in touch. I talk to my Mum daily!

  9. When we started talking about having a home base this year, there was also talk of us heading back to the States for some of these very same reasons. We opted to have Bangkok be our home base and we have family coming to see us.

    1. Bangkok is an amazing city and has such great connections to the rest of Asia. I think It’s a perfect place for a base. I really miss Thai massages and mango smoothies 🙂

    1. Oh yes, we all have different priorities at different times in our lives Cathy. When (if?) I have children they will be the priority. Until then, travel is my number 1 priority!

    1. That’s very true Toni, I didn’t quite know how hard it would be until I went back home for Christmas. It’s hard knowing my Niece is growing and developing everyday and probably won’t recognise me when I next see her.

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